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A "typical" day in the life of an NRL player looks, apparently, like this. After a good, solid warm-up he takes the field and pees in his shorts, shaking it loose with the legs, because, hey, when you gotta go you gotta go, lol.
Halfway through the game he stands and fires a one-two into his opponent, wins the game, then heads out to celebrate with a beer or 10.
Before the clock even reaches midnight he is kicked out, but shows that some of his best footwork comes off the field when he sneaks back in through the kitchen.
He likes the little blonde over in the corner, so he goes over and ends up getting his face slapped. Her boyfriend isn't all that happy.
On his way back to his car he is still frustrated by the knockback and, well, did you see the way that street sign was looking at him?
Nobody looks at him like that and gets away with it, so he rips the street sign out of the ground and puts it through some poor innocent's car window. They can deal with it in the morning. Not his problem.
Then he jumps into his car, unlicensed and with a cabin full of mates, and gets pinched for drink-driving before arriving home with one of the girls his mate pulled earlier where, somehow, she ends in casualty with a fractured eye socket.
Not a lot of players will be happy with that summation of life in the NRL this morning, but who is to blame?
The media, for reporting it? The clubs, who for too long tolerated it? The NRL, who for too long washed its hands of it? How about, for once, yourselves?
Yes, our man above is a composite. But all these incidents have surfaced, in relation to various NRL players, in just the past month.
They have made the game a punchline. A spear for anyone trying to defend the game.
Frustration levels are at an all-time high around rugby league, and if the players are annoyed at being categorised this way, it is nothing on the pain of tens of thousands of fans who are continually disappointed by those representing the game they love.
And, for many, it is a love. They give up their weekends for it, they spend their lives around it. They push their children, their greatest treasure, into it.
So if you're a player who is unhappy about being labelled this way, then do something about it. Grab the teammate stepping over the line. Raise the standards of what's acceptable at your club. Don't tolerate anything you would be embarrassed to tell your mum about.
None of us are immune from poor behaviour on the drink. Occasionally, we all need someone looking out for us when we have too many, and decision-making is compromised.
Be that guy to draw a line, and stop the cycle of self-inflicted wounds.
Thousands are turning away from the game every week.
Realise that the mums, as they keep telling us, really are important. You can't grow a sport if the only people who love it are those who already love it. The game needs to reach new fans.
In a season when the television deal is worth double what it was last year, television ratings are down. Why?
Those who already love the game are still watching, but those who can take it or leave it have left it. They can watch the Socceroos, who don't pee their pants because they couldn't be bothered using the toilet in the dressing room two minutes earlier.
What has rugby league done to make them feel proud? The season started with last year's feel-good story, Dally M medal winner Ben Barba, being stood down after admitting to gambling and alcohol problems.Now, halfway through we have two incidents being investigated involving alleged violence against women.
Many NRL players come from underprivileged backgrounds, a far higher proportion than other codes. It can be reasonably argued that many players, having grown witnessing alcoholic parents, domestic violence and other troubles, are coming from further back than other codes. But when do we stop making it an excuse?
When do we stop celebrating the game's appetite for giving second chances and say our game deserves better? As incidents keep happening, those second chances begin to look like an excuse for weak management.
Mark Bosnich was telling me yesterday about his glory days at Manchester United. Every time a player took his wife out to dinner, he said, they would tell the club and Man U would send a bodyguard.
"You wouldn't see them," he said. "Sometimes they'd just be outside."
Single players would go to nightclubs with bodyguards standing in shadows. If they took a girl home, the bodyguard accompanied them all the way to the door.
"It's a billion-dollar industry," Bosnich said, and so they protected it.
The NRL is also a billion-dollar industry. So why has it gone so long?
Because we have tolerated it too long. Excused it too long.
Blamed others for too long.
Covered it up for too long.
We have done everything but the right thing.
Until now, when the NRL declared tolerance was now zero.
Quite odd how Rothfield, Kent and Wilson are starting to turn against the game lately.
