Member plz don't get stabbed, this forum couldn't handle the loss of you and this thread.
Member plz don't get stabbed, this forum couldn't handle the loss of you and this thread.
OK
Ingles! Superb
Was pointing out to some thugball bogans that you can go anywhere in the world and strike up a conversation on the Jets using the name Heskey.
Try starting up a conversation overseas with the name Andrew Johns - "the greatest footy player who eva lived".
It seems the jetlag has not affected your masturbatory tendencies Member ? One of the great joys of solo travel.
Last edited by Jetmaster; 04-06-2014 at 09:33 AM.
For Militia
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Got up Tuesday 3rd June at 5:30am feeling like shit. Me and my good mate Johnny Walker are getting very close to not being on speaking terms.
On another note what the **** is it with these ridiculous hours to get up. Ffs the jetlag has passed and I still wake up for some reason at these ridiculous hours.
Anyway broke out the berocca and some hydra lite to soothe the nerves. Would seriously cut off my left testicle at present for a can of mother.
Anyway straightened up the belongings made sure I had my passport and bags packed and headed down for breakfast.
Decided to once again dabble in the muesli fruit salad and strawberry yoghurt. No OJ Johnny chasers today
Went back for seconds and then tucked into a few of the croissant pastry things
Went upstairs grabbed my gear headed back down and checked out. Paid the bill of US$300 for the 4nights. Was rather pissed at this as I tried booking accommodation and paying for it up front to save this issue. The only other places I have to pay is for my week in Chile but that is a private apartment I am renting from some English bloke who lives in Chile and the other one was for a stay in Belo Horizonte at a price so far in my favour it wasn’t worth saying no to
Concierge called the taxi I waited on the kerb for 4mins and taxi fronted. Pretty certain my cabbie was trying to take advantage of me. Pretty certain he took a path to Tres Cruces Terminal where he could maximise the red lights. I was certain of it when he drove at about 5kmph when he had a green light and was praying it would turn red before he got through
Anyway bill came in at 183pesos I gave him 200pesos as why the **** do I need the shrapnel weighing me down.
Bloke was stoked with his tip of about 80c AUD
The entire taxi ride cost me AUD$9 something.
The ploy of going slow barely cost me a payphone call. FFS
Anyway waited at the Bus Terminal for the chariot to arrive. Now there is one ****ed up place. I haven’t seen that many rough looking retarded dero ****s in the one place since the Mariners got a crowd over 10k
Anyway survived long enough to see my chariot arrive. What a bus it was to.
Seats of comfort space aplenty and more inviting than business class on a plane. ****s even had WiFi on there. For $13 for the 3hour trip let’s just say I got my money’s worth. City Rail should be disbanded and trips to Smurfs Gypos and RBB rent a crowd should be on these thiñgs
Had planned to put the headphones on and listen to some music but didn’t need to as the driver had the stereo going. Just as we were driving through some Montevideo shithole suburb that has a striking resemblance to Woy Woy the Pink Floyd classic All in all you’re just Inbred and poor belted out. How fitting.
Anyway the reason why I was taking the 3hour bus ride 1hour ferry ride was to see a bit of the countryside. Meh I have now come to the conclusion you have seen one cow paddock you have seen them all. Bus took forever to get there as we stopped and let every 3rd village hillbilly on and off. Finally made it and took off to the ferry terminal. Swish building.
Could have went and had a look around the town as I had 2-3hours to kill but nursing a kick arse hang over decided against it and invested in some R&R.
Whilst waiting the ferry arrived and I spotted some bloke carrying a Jets backpack. No sign of the fridge magnet though.
Must have left it at home
Undone my jumper to reveal my Jets shirt took the bloke a while to spot me before he came over to say hello. In hindsight would have been easier to get his attention by launching into a rousing rendition of WE HATE COAST SCUM but considering this place offers free cavity searches seemed wise to keep it low key.
Boys were over for the WC and had left Argentina heading for Uruguay where as I was doing the reverse. So we swapped war stories and advice before departing.
Anyway the time came for the ferry and what a joy immigration was. Stamped Out by Uruguayan official who passed it to the bloke sitting next to him who stamped you in to Argentina. Then to top it off no metal detectors. No XRays etc up to the waiting room to await summoning on board.
That time duly arrived and I boarded the biggest ferry I have ever seen. The thing comfortably seated 400plus with room to walk around canteen TVs etc Tell you what that boat can really motor totally missed us taking off we were in the dock and the next thing I knew we were kms off the coast. The thing was doing well over 80kmph
Before you knew it the coast line of Argentina appeared in under the hour. Got off and this time had to put luggage through the X Ray machine. Pick up the other side and straight out the door and in to Argentina.
Decided against the taxi as my hotel was about 7blocks away so set off with luggage on foot. Place was dead set jumping. Obviously rush hour but straight away could tell I was in a more modern happening place. Must note the footpaths here are not much better.
Found hotel and checked in. Am here for 3nights on my own so am absolutely baffled why they gave me a room with 2queen beds.
Went for a stroll down Florida St which was packed with shoppers and had a browse. That Mess bloke must be huge here cause his face is everywhere for some reason. Bought a 600ml coke for Aud$2 and that is with money at the official exchange rate. Can’t wait to go get money at the unofficial exchange rate which is nearly 75%more.
Headed in to a restaurant and ordered the Milanesa which appears to be crumbed beef. Got the Napolitano touch to it so it was basically a crumbed beef parmy. Price came in at about Aud$11
Wandered back to hotel for early night.
Fridge magnet:brr:
OK
Where were the Jets fans from, Member? Did you happen to discuss the quality of the season ticket cards this year?
fridge magnet.
What about the thickness of the member's cards as well? That was a hot topic early last year.
Middleby Gone
Lawrie Out
Sit tight next post might be a day or 2 away
Internets is tucked and Buenos Aires is awesome
muy bien
For Militia
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Got up Wednesday 4th June at 7:15am. Finally cracked it sleeping through to a sensible hour. I have inherited another bidet toilet system but it appears my toilet will flush toilet paper. Wasn’t feeling the need to go but will give a test run when the time arrives.
Only problem with test run is there is no time for failure or full scale testing. I get my assumptions wrong and I have a pile of shit and paper floating about a blocked up toilet that you don’t want to have to go to reception to explain
Hotel departed after taking caring of other formalities decided to head out to explore. Greeted by an overcast day I headed out to find breakfast as it isn’t included as part of my hotel stay.$50 a night just no breakfast.
Cappuccino and 2 ham and cheese toasted sangas at McDonalds for about $5 and was on my way again.
Wandered down Florida St the main shopping hub. Not here for shopping but selling. The current official exchange rate is about 6 or 7 Argentina Peso to $1US. Due to issues in the Argentinian economy with inflation the locals would rather save money in US$ as the currency retains better value. Due to the side effects the government has banned access to US$ to the locals. They can get it but the bureaucracy is at such a level it makes it not worth the effort
Anyway the locals have their own little black market thing going on. They will give better rates of pesos to dollars at significantly higher rates than the official rate. Only problem is the thing is illegal but like prostitution condoned as it serves a purpose.
Guess who had a wallet full of US$ for this purpose??? I knew I was getting done by Travelex but wanted a few pesos for dinner drinks etc when I arrived at Buenos Aires. Now was the time to unload
Anyway walked the mall to suss out the scene. Trying to pick my mark. A few big time charlies avoided as they looked like SD dressed to the nines for a night on the tiles at Finnegan
Avoid the big blokes as you want at least a fighting chance if things turn sour and they try to rob you. Avoid the women on the basis it is a tough game they are in so they obviously have balls or muscle nearby.
After being approached at least 200 times with the cry of cambio cambio cambio /change money sir I was ready. Picked a bloke I thought I could at least cover on my own in case shit turned sour.
His unknown mates were another matter and I would deal with that if it come up.
Feeling confident I at least had this blokes measure was ushered into a nearby Jewellery store. Got ushered out the back where a bloke had a desk full of cash. He asked me how much I had I showed him $200US
He offered me 11.2 pesos for it I agreed I counted mine he counted his we took our respective money I said gracias and was out the door with a pocket full of cash. Mission Accomplished
Anyway as it had started to rain I headed back to the hotel to grab the spray jacket and change shoes and socks which were soaked.
Headed back out and hit the town and headed for the Tourist Bus.
About $25 for a two day pass and I was on my way. Must say I am highly impressed with Buenos Aires. Sure it has its rough bits but it is a city much modern progressive than Montevideo and reminds me a lot of European cities. One thing I am impressed with is the air pollution. In Uruguay they seemed to use a dirty type of diesel fuel that reeked. Add in they also had these outdoor BBQ’s going everywhere there that also reeked a filthy odour. These smells are still present in BA but not even at about 5% the level in Montevideo
After about an hour we headed past Boca Juniors stadium and continued to the next stop. Here the bus just stopped 20mins later we still hadn’t gone anywhere. I just assumed the driver had gone for his lunch break or quit. Got off and spotted the bloke having a feed at the nearby restaurant. Decided **** this I am off.
Walked down the mean streets of Boca back to the Stadium. $8Aud and stadium and museum tour was mine. Was told to wait for the tour as it was about to start but needed to take a pass. If pissing was an Olympic Sport I would have made the medal podium for this effort.
Took that long by the time I come back and everyone was gone. Quick search and could not find them. When I did spot them had no idea how to get to them so just wanderedso wandered the museum til the next one. Pile of trophies and other shit. All in Spanish so bit hard to follow for me.
Q Man did spot a Boca Juniors guitar used by Lenny Kravitz. No sign of any bongoes though.
Anyway hooked up with the next tour and went round the stadium with the guide. Took heaps of photos. What was the highlight for me though was the guided tour of a toilet block. I assume it was the home dressing room coz the whole tour was in Spanish. I was absolutely dumbstruck when the guide opened a door and led me and 30others into a toilet block cubicle. WTF
Anyway tour done and dusted headed back to the bus stop. Waited 15mins and bus arrived. Once again bus went nowhere. After 15mins pulled the map out for the tour and read that it stops here for 30mins each tour. I take it someone’s mother owns the restaurant at the bus stop as there is **** all else there and this is just an elaborate plot to drum up business.
Anyway bus got going and continued tour this time around the port area. As it was getting past 4pm by now decided to get off once back near hotel and head back to hotel. When I got there I donned a scarf and another jumper as tonight there was a mission I was embarking on. By 5pm I was out the door.
TO BE CONTINUED
Mission Tonight
Argentina V Trinidad and Tobago at the Estadio Monumental Buenos Aires home of River Plate FC and 1978 World Cup Final
Have no ticket just plan on getting in one way or another. The chance to see a match in this stadium, the chance to see Argentina NT play at their spiritual home, Di Maria Aguero Lavezzi Higuain etc . Some drug ****ed midget in the shirt Maradona made famous and more importantly what could be the entire highlight of the trip seeing EPL superstar Kenwynne Jones live in the flesh.
Anyway the stadium is quite a bit north of the city centre where I am. A bit of research indicated the tourist bus went close but stopped about 10 blocks away so figured from there just follow the crowds in the blue and white and follow the stadium light glare over the neighbourhood.
Anyway bus ride was horrific traffic here is insane. Highlight though was Road Rage Argentinian style when some old **** pushing 60-70 had a running screaming argument for 5mins with our driver. The old **** then even got of the car come round the front of the bus and started banging on the bus doors whilst the arguing continued. Anyway the two protagonists didn’t go the knuckle but weren’t far away.
Anyway got to bus stop about 6pm so had just over 75mins to walk to ground get ticket get in etc.
Anyway got to the ground eventually and a lot further away than it appeared.
When I say I got to the ground I got to the Police Road Block set up about 400metres from ground.
Cops were dead set dressed for business. The posers in the NSW police riot squad are ****ing pussies compared to these ****s. Unfortunately they weren’t letting you past the checkpoint without the ticket. Problem for me was I had none.
Decided to head around the other side of stadium and see if any better luck there. Took 15mins to get there as every other side street had been fenced off and the blokes who apply the smackdown were on watch. Got there and same issue as before. No ticket no entry. Smackdown Riot squad on alert.
There goes the plan to just rock up and buy from the ticket office. On to plan B scalping.
Now this is a lot of fun when you don’t speak the language. Wandered around looking but wasn’t finding anyone selling. Observed a couple that led to nothing when it appeared people were just organising their group rather than buying tickets.
Started to look fruitless I watched as the RBB crushers poleaxe some **** who tried breaching the checkpoint without a ticket. They got medieval on this count. Don’t ever complain about police brutality Hatamoto etc cause these guys are not even amateurs to these blokes
Anyway I am wandering about back and forth and it is about 20mins to kick off. Finally heard the magic word I was after deal done for 500pesos
Now the fun part of trying to take my scalped ticket past the RBB ****up Squad. Got by.
Only to be met with another checkpoint 200metres away.
This time you are getting ä full pat down bag search and cavity search if they like. Incredibly nervous as I watched one bloke getting dragged off into the dark to an unknown fate.
Getting the pat down from the cop he gives me some instruction in Spanish I don’t comply he starts to get angrier. I utter Ingles as my mercy card before I get cracked over head with the night stick
Get out of jail card played.
Cop replies ahh Ingles where you from?? I said Australia. At this stage I realise the chances of me getting smacked out are subsiding.
So the nuggets that were poised to drop out my arse are retreating.
A few jokes about kangaroos later and he lets me through to his associate who checks my bag.
Few checkpoint 2 breached.
Next check point another pat down and search. Can hear the National anthems being played and I am still 100metres from being inside.
4th and final checkpoint and the moment of truth. Ticket Scanning time.
Time to find out whether the ticket I had scalped was genuine or whether some **** had made off with $40-$45 of my money and I was about to get in shut with the local police.
Phew in I was.
Up a thousand stairs in the dark and found out I was in the free for all sit where you can section. As I had missed the first 5 mins the good seats were taken so I made a spot where I could make my own. Ended up being up in the top tier behind the goal Argentina were defending way over past the sideline.
Place is old school ****s pissing in the stand around you, ****s smoking away even ****s smoking joints. Don't even see that type of shot at the chicken coop
Anyway settled into watch the match with Argentina making heavy work of putting away Trinidad. They missed 3-4 certainties before Ht Even Druggo no 10 missed a sitter even the Hoff would have buried
Anyway crowd were a little low key. Sort of had the feeling of watching Jets play pre season against weaker opponent. There was a degree of inevitability about the result which kept the crowd relaxed other than to call out puta (whore) any time the ref gave a call against the home team or to the poor Trinidad player that was closest to the drugged up no 10 when he went on a run and decided to hit the floor when he ran into an opponent who dared to get within 3m of him
Anyway the presence of big Kenwynne up front must have left the local Argentine side star struck as they struggled to get their flow happening. Most likely also effected the Trinidadian’s who either got nervous and misplaced passes due to being in the presence of greatness in big Kenwynne or were just shit ****s who can’t play. I am believing the former with KJ throwing everyone off kilter.
Anyway Argies finally scored on ht. Goal keeping right up there with the stellar work of Birraz and Pasfield in the F3derbies
Second half started and Mascherano scored after a ricochet off the post from a free kick taking by the Druggy no 10
A short time later it was 3-0 and the game petered out with subs shit play etc. Surprisingly the Druggo no 10 got the full 90.I wasn’t expecting it.
KJ played 85mins before getting a standing ovation not seen since the likes of Maradona in his pomp.
Anyway FT sounded and I took a pass. Wasn’t game to go through the hassle of finding anew vantage point at HT so sat tight until FT.
Lets just say a pipe running around a wall about 3 inches deep. Needless to say the floor was overflowing with water about an inch deep. Not sure what it was but glad I had tetanus shots before I came
Anyway made my way out of the stadium down 6 staircases no lights!!!! Except the illumination from the surrounding area. Made my way away from the stadium.
You blokes old enough to remember the days of Breakers Stadium and the shit fight it was getting a crowd cleared in a built up residential community will know what I mean . In those days it was 2-4k Try getting 60/70k away out of a bottle neck like that with little public transport.
Anyway the plan was to just walk as far away as I could and hail a cab when I could. Half an hour of heavy hiking accomplished and still no taxi. Asked directions from a Security guard for Retro. Bloke looked at me dumbly.
Went and bought a bottle of drink and asked the shop keeper. He pointed me on my way. Took off another 30mins hiking an every time I spotted a vacant cab it had gone before I realised.
Anyway the problem was I was walking on the wrong side of the road. Hello dickhead
So I crossed and kept walking. Got one within a few minutes. Jumped in and after 5mins started to get really worried.
Either the shopkeeper was right and my cabbie was driving me into the boon docks or the **** in the shop was pissing himself having sent some dumb **** Gringo the wrong way.
After 20 mins of driving I still had no idea where I was.
After 30 still no idea
After 40mins I recognised we were on course.
45mins after jumping in we were pulling up at my hotel. Taxi ride came to 123pesos. Felt guilty the poor bloke had driven me all over town for the grand total of $12Aud so slipped him 200pesos. The bloke gave me a book. **** knows what it is about though
Anyway down the corner store for a block of chocolate bag of chips and into bed by 12:30am
Ingles has saved your bunghole again! Superb stuff MFKS
Wow. Can't believe you saw Kenwynne Jones play.
Great recount member
Apologies for any spelling errors coming through.
This tablet and its predictive texting shit are passing me right off.
FFS can't get anything right
It should say pissing not passing
FFS
Originally Posted by MFKS
Point proved.
And we get the gist
For Militia
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Got up Thursday 5th June at 8:15am. Finally sleeping through to a sensible hour. Still no more bidet action.
Found out the problem now with my $50 a night hotel. No breakfast and only an hours internet. Hit Skype up the first night in BA to report into HQ and there went most of it.
Not having time to **** around headed out. More cheese and ham toasted sangas for breakfast and a cappuccino and I was ready to hit the road.
Wandered down to a plaza I want past on yesterdays bus tour and strolled it for a while. Wanted to get a jump on the bus by getting on at a later stop so as not to see the bit I seen yesterday went for a couple of km walk to find the stop. Eventually found it.
Be useful if the ****s actually put the stops on the map on accordance with where they actually are not somewhere in the general area. That would probably make sense though.
Anyway rode the bus around taking snaps of various thing. Got off at one of the stops to take some close up snaps and within 20metres of walking stepped in dog shit. Must have been a few inches fixed. Scraped off as much of the junk as I could and then went looking for the bus stop to the shorter blue route. As per usual the **** was nowhere near where it should be on the map.
Unable to locate it in time for the bus and not wanting to wait for the next one decided to head back on the other route and get near where it goes.
Got off in downtown Chinatown. Yes BA has its very own little china.
Being that it is only about 15C here add in the shade the buildings provide and these open top buses get quite cold. Being I was in downtown Chinatown I was able to locate shop selling junk for cheap. Picked up a tea cosy for about $4. Look like a dickhead though
Went looking for this bus stop and once agin unable to find it. Went **** it and walked to my destination Estadio Monumntal. Took about 40mins but made it to the stadium about 90seconds after the bus I should have got arrived. FFS
Anyway this time I was able to locate the bus stop.
Went in and found out the River Plate tour was on. Normally you can get the full tour but today were only allowed å 10min view of ground. Had a bit of time to kill so went to the first exhibit.
As I arrived the female staff member approached me in a rather hostile manner. She spotted a little sticker that was stuck on my jacket.
Got the thing when I went to Boca the day before and hadn’t noticed it. Needless to say it had to come off. Mood changed when she realised I was Australian. Spoke reasonable English and we had a good chat.
A little later on she took us into the stadium. This time we were at the other end I was the night before. Photos taken she asked me where I was the night before. I pointed out where I was and then I asked her how much tickets were for that area. Apparently 80pesos and not the 500pesos I paid the night before. Ohh well
After the stadium viewing wandered the museum before going out to the bus stop. Had to wait 20mins to next bus. 30mins after it should have arrived started walking back to another bus stop.
A good 30mins later I got there. Of course I missed the bus by minutes and had to wait 20mins for another which became 35 when it was delayed in traffic.
Finally it arrived and I could now complete the last leg down 9th July Avenue. Now this road is grand to say the extreme. The thing is about 100metres wide.
Anyway by now it was getting dark and I headed back to the hotel to raid my room safe. Needed to exchange some more money. I hadn’t run out just that I was leaving BA tomorrow and wanted a bit more for my adventures as I will be back.
Come out hotel and was standing on corner checking out restaurant when some bloke come up to me and invited me to go upstairs across the road for “****y ****y” with some slut.
I declined as I currently had more pressing matters to deal with though the offer was nice
Went down Florida St and sussed it out. Had received tip to loiter round the newsstands. Tip paid off and I was invited inside. Deal done
Now down to find a steak house. Argentina reportedly has the best steak in the world. Have to say I agree. It was mucking fantastic. The thing was BBQ over coals in an open fireplace. Only fault I have is it was over cooked a fraction for mine but despite this technical flaw it had very little effect on the quality of the meal.
Headed back to hotel for early night as I needed to straighten up my gear as I was off early in the morning to the airport
Best
nuggets were retreating
For Militia
Proudly sponsored by Tooheys New_ FOR THE LOVE OF KALE
Got up Friday 6th June at 07:20am. Shit shower shave etc and I was checking out of hotel by 08:20
Asked reception to call me a cab.
Was told 5 mins. It is 8:40 & 20 mins have past. At least 50 cabs have gone past with the Libre light on. I am starting to wonder what’s doing. Old bloke approaches me and lets me know he is my cab driver. Escorted up the street to what looks like a private vehicle. Am concerned but push on anyway.
20mins later we had barely gone 2km as the traffic was insane
I am starting to get concerned. We finally get moving and the cabbie hits the backstreets around the docks and train yards at high speed. We were dead set doing 140kmph down some of these roads.
Anyway we made up time and it is 9:15am when we arrive at the small BA city airport. Now the ime for the bill. Was expecting a motza but came to 110pesos $11Aud
Must have been someone relo at the hotel doing jobs on the sly to top up their Old age pension
Head in check in took 30mins.
Airport is quite dated and in need of the Nick Scali touch.
Head to the gate and after 20mins find out the flight is delayed for 1hr 40mins.
I had checked the thing earlier and all was good. The fight after mine was to leave at 1320 which was when we did. Would seem they just jammed the 2 flights together to save some money.
Anyway the time come to board and found myself on a plane with about 80 members of Arizona University who were in Argentina on a junket.
Was a touch comforting to know that if Flight No 4 of 30was to crash and burn there would be wall to wall coverage on CNN FOX etc. I would be an afterthought but the wreckage footage would go global as the Yanks turn it up.
Jagged the emergency exit seating so got the extra leg room. Though for a flight of 2 hours barely needed. Bet you I ain’t that lucky when the 13.5 hour odyssey home is on.
Before you knew it we were touching down in Puerto Iguazu. Airport carved out of jungle. Bit run down to but to be perfectly fair so is Aero Pelican so we won’t cast any stones.
Anyway luggage come out quickly and the urge to take a dump was pretty pressing. Was a hell of a lot of fun taking the suitcase and carry on bag into the cubicle. The space wasn’t really there but I managed.
Anyway due to my pressing need to find the hombres banios I had walked past the taxi counter. Problem was it was in the restricted zone. Anyway approached the cabbies and found one who spoke English. Price given at 500 pesos for a 45min drive plus we had to cross border so passport stamping time.
Had a good chat with Mario my driver. His broken English my broken Spanish made for a good laugh. Mario was telling me that there were Jaguars in the jungle as we drove through the jungle. Now check out the You Tube footage of Jaguar V Caiman Crocodile. The jag stalks this 3m croc nails it and then swims back across the river with it in its jaws.
Got to the Argentine border crossing. Wind down back window and passport stamped.
Drive 5km to Brazil border crossing. On the way you drive over a bridge and you can see 3 countries Brazil and Argentina border in the middle. To the left you can see Paraguay.
Anyway get to Brazil border crossing and these guys are a bit more full on. Had arranged for Mario to take me to Argentina Iguazu Falls park the next day. Mario comes in with us. All the cabbies know the border police as they are constantly crossing between the 2 towns who are only 15-20km apart
Mario talks to his mate who gives me a stamp in to Brazil on the condition I do my paperwork tomorrow. Was actually doing both of us a favour by doing it this way.
Anyway short time later and am at hotel. Glad to finally take jumper off as it was 27C
Check in and watch the Brazil Serbia match which was on. Then head out for dinner. Bit of a rough joint so don’t go to far.
Settle in at a restaurant and get a pizza.
Give it one thing here the pizzas are simple and uncomplicated but still Tate good. The ****s back home just over complicate it trying to put some fancy hit on it.
Back to hotel to watch Socceroos game and then hit the hay at 11pm
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