I've only ever heard the name Morten once, in a joke when I was about 12, funnily enough it was at holiday coaching clinic run be the Breakers.....


Two mates, Peter and Morten are driving down the Highway in the dead of night from Coffs To Newy
Morten turns to Peter and says, Peter - I need to take a dump.
Peter says, "mate, we've just passed the Port Macquarie Turnoff you'll have to wait till Kew
They get to Kew, but everything is shut, so Peter drives on - Coopernook Pub will be open.
Morten is grimacing in pain, but Peter refuses to pullover on the side of the Highway in the middle of the night.
At Coopernook the pub is closed and the old Shell Servo is abandoned.
Peter drives on "Taree! Morten we'll stop at Taree"
All Morten could muster was "hurry the **** up"

When they finally pull into the 24hr service station at Taree, Morten is out of the car before it even stops moving and runs like the clappers round the back of the servo, crashes through the door and sits down to take a shit.

Peter waits in the car.
10 minutes later - no Morten.
20 minutes later - no Morten.
30 minutes later - still no Morten.

Peter gets out of the car, crosses the carpark, dodges the drunken teenagers Taree is famous for and heads towards the toilet door.

That's when he hears it.....

a loud, blood-curling scream coming from the bathroom.
A few moments after that, another loud scream reverberates through the air.

Peter pushes the door open, to find Morten sitting, trembling in fear and pain

“What’s all the screaming about? and why the hell are you taking so long?"
Peter! Exclaims Morten “I’m just sitting here on the toilet taking a shit, and every time I try to stand up, something grabs me by the ball and pulls me back down.”

Peter turns on the light and starts laughing hysterically, Morten you ****wit, you're sitting on a mop bucket"